worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
