Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
