break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
