cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
