my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
