my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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