Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
