I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is Oprah even human
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
