I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
