Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
