I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
