How'd it feel making her break her religion?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
