What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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