holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
