Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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