My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
