Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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