Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
