Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
