my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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