I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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