just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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