Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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