The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
