my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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