she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
