sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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