Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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