I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
