I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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