so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
