u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.