We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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