I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
