I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
