Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
