I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
