I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why do cheetos always look like penises
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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