Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
