fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
