I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
