I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
