We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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