that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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