i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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