why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
