I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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