what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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