well I can't set my house on fire every night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
