I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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