so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
