You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
