I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
