It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
