Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
