and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize