Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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