My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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