We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
