there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
