I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
