grandma shit on top of the toilet
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
