dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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