Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
