I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
