i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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