Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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