my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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