you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Still dying that you shit outside
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
