So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We need a shit load of segways right now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
