You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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