Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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