Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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